I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
