you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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