Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
