I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
