She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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