IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
