I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize