it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
