Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My balls are so social today.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
