you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
