is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
