he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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