As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
