I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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