My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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