Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize