Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
