1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kiss
Puke
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize