Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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