I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
