They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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