those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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