You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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