You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
