This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
