Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
