Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
