either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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