you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
