I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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