You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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