Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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