Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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