That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
