I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i now understand why vodka
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
