I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
