Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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