I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
