This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
