Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
