my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
