just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
