I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
