i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
