your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
