Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
