Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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