reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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