Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
