I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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