My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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