And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sober January is a disaster.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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