Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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