"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize