and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
me + whiskey = a bad person
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
