You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize