I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
