my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize