i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
