I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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