She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
