Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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