I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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