Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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