I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
