You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
