So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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