this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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