Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
