The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
