I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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