I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
