You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
