I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
