I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
