he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
