I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
