you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
