Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
