last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
this is an emotional support booty call
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
