Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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