She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is Oprah even human
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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