we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
