We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
