make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
