what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
