Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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