He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize